


In A Perfect World

by Teenageoblivion



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes-centric, F/M, Feels, Heartbreak, Pain, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 19:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7477038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teenageoblivion/pseuds/Teenageoblivion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The best thing about loving Bucky was that it was so easy, it was so natural; he was a perfect man who had gone through not so perfect things and yet, he was trying so hard.</p><p>The worst thing about loving Bucky was that it was so easy and yet so painful because the perfect man who had gone through not so perfect things didn't quite love you back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Perfect World

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first time writing anything fandom related or even posting anything so I'm really rusty but I really hope you enjoy.

In a perfect world, he'd love you.

He'd care, he'd listen, he'd touch, _**he'd love you.**_

But it wasn't a perfect world.

"Hey, Bucky?"

"I'm busy, (y/n)."

He always was whenever you asked; it didn't stop you from asking and it didn't stop him from repeating his reply.

It _hurt_ , you weren't even _worth_ a better excuse. You weren't even worth a smile, you weren't even worth his attention for a _second_.

You wanted to cry, you wanted to ask him why he couldn't _try_ , why couldn't he see that you were completely and _**pathetically**_ in love with him?

Yet instead, you had to do what you always did - pretend it didn't matter.

**Pretend it didn't hurt. **

Until he opened his mouth for the first time to say something completely new.

"Look, I need to talk to you about something." You latched onto his words, a warm feeling in your chest while your feet picked up a rhythm against the ground.

He turned to you, his eyes indifferent, his mouth shaping the words that you needed to hear. 

"I _don't_ love you, okay? We are not a thing. We aren't anything and we never will be. I don't want you to hope, I don't want you to feel like we will be. I'm sorry, you're a great person and i'm sure you're great company, I'm just not interested."

There was silence. 

And then you surprised him; you **laughed**. 

"Oh Bucky, I'm so sorry I came off that way. I mean I know I've been hounding you but my intentions were nothing but friendly." 

You giggled again, your final words coming along with it - the bitterness and hurt seeping under a pretense of warmth and smiles. 

"I mean, _I'm sorry, you're a great person and i'm sure you're great company, I'm just not interested_."

And both of you knew then that you were lying, that you were hurt, that you wanted to scream out a great, big " _Fuck You_!" to James Buchanan Barnes but you had walked away, walked away to finally sob and try and rip out your chest except he already had done it for you. 

**You hated him** , you hated him with all you had because even now, even after all that all you could think about was that _he had finally looked at you._

 

And while you silently let out your anguish, in your room, Bucky lets his facade fade. 

"Why can't you just tell her, Buck?" His best friend came out of the shadows, not able to understand, unable to _see_.

"She deserves better." He said, simply - as if it were obvious, as if it didn't make him want to scream. 

In a perfect world, he'd **be able to** love you.

He'd show you his care, he'd listen to you instead of shrugging you off, he'd be able to touch you, **he'd be able to love you.**

But it wasn't a perfect world. 

In this world, you deserved more than the _monster_ he was and he deserved nothing less than to see you get it because it would  destroy him; the beast, the Winter Soldier;  the terrible man who wasn't worth your love in his eyes.

**_For now,_** he'd let you cry because he knows that you're strong and and you'll make it and you'll find somebody else. 

**Forever** , he'd make sure you never knew that he'd always loved you back.


End file.
